the actual incidents that still left me with no feelings

i already told the story of that morning bus ride with ex-cons that left me amused rather than scared (or whatever negative emotion i was taught to feel). now for the bus ride: scary edition that just made me go: huh. so it’s true what my uncle said

i was going home from café revolution (cool place, check it out if you’re in the area) at around 10pm, still by bus 14. the bus was crowded, and since i don’t have the actual bus pass, i thought i should enter the bus through the front door to show my paper ticket. that’s how i ended up at the front section

an old caucasian man started talking to me about why i was so sleepy (jetlag), and when he left, i sat down next to a filipina. midway through the ride, a commotion started at the back third of the bus (where i was sitting at in my morning ride) with people shouting. a kid started crying. i can see people scuffling at the middle part. eventually a woman shouts: call the police! call the police! driver stops, asks what is happening. he calls the police, and goes down to check out things out.

eventually the person causing the disturbance found his/her way out, and the driver asks the police what he should do. then off we go.

i asked the filipino woman if that happens a lot, and she said: ay oo. minsan nga may nagsaksakan sa harap ko (yes. once there were people stabbing each other with knives in front of me).

huh. ok

at some point, i stepped on someone’s foot. i looked up to say sorry, and he smiled and was totally cool with it. again, he didn’t look threatening. HOWEVER, what was that on his face i saw? i looked up again, and he has a tear drop tat below his left eye. INTERESTING.

the next night, the bus ride was all good. the 600m walk to the house was more interesting. two men walked in front of me and looked at me. i thought: maybe this is the time to get scared? but they really didn’t do anything to me, just kept on looking and they were talking loudly. rationalization kicked in and i started to walk slowly, despite the cold, so they can remain in front of me. then there was a bike on our left, chubby guy says: this one’s my bike. they stopped to get “his” bike and I continued on. i guess they stole the bike, BUT I really didn’t see, so…

so i shouldn’t beat myself or feel guilty for not trying to stop a “potential” robbery. because i don’t have travel insurance #livingontheedge. and yes, that was my thought at that moment. i also put my phone in my bra not because i don’t have the money to buy a new one, but because all the videos and pictures i took at the parade is not backed up.

yeah, fucked up way of thinking.

the lesson: though i didn’t feel scared in particular, still don’t let your guard down. especially along mission street

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